the blogger

I hate how long it’s been since I’ve done something like this.. written something for the public and not just me & my four walls, that is. But alas, there’s no time like the present or whatever someone famous once said.

I’ve been a little here, a little there and just a bit of everywhere in the last several moons that I’ve been away from my words and the world. Lucky for you, gentle reader, I have kept quite the journal and well, that’s the point of all this.. to share— because what a burden and a disservice it is to be plentiful of anything creative and to keep it all for oneself.

To be clear, it’s been just shy of three years since my last consistent output of work. I went through some things, unspeakable things, and not that I need validation but it was certainly worth the time away because the internet can be a cruel and unforgiving place. Though I have since recovered and regained my confidence, I’m still an artist who is very sensitive about her shit so tread carefully. And while I won’t be sharing my deepest darkest secrets online, because not too much… I will be sharing tons of stories, so I implore you to stay awhile..you might find yourself just as enchanted as that one ex of mine did.

But in the meantime, let’s do a little recap…

In the last three years, I have lived, laughed and loved, in the words of the great poet at Ross Dress 4 Less, or was it Ye Ole Marshall’s? I can’t recall. All jokes aside, falling in love might’ve been the most gratifying journey of my 20s and I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything in the world (although, he might for a SpongeBob ice cream). I also got the opportunity to travel the world with my parents, my bestest friends and my sisters. All mostly on separate occasions, because that would be kind of insane and extremely unhinged otherwise. I also graduated college, booked creative jobs doing things I love and after a tumultuous eighteen months of job-hunting and working minimum wage to make ends meet, I finally secured my first big girl job!

The journey there nearly broke me.. but that’s a different blog post for another time, chile.

I can honestly say though, with every fiber of my being, all roads did lead me here. To many, it may seem like a long time coming but to me, it feels just right. It’s like God made me jump through every hoop just so I can get my stamina up enough for this exact moment: to be doing something I’ve always loved, in a space I created that feels sacred and safe to me. Like sure, could I have been doing the work all along on the road to recovery? Maybe, but I had to get right with myself first.

My dreams were so different three years ago. I thought I’d have moved to New York by now, secured a cool social-media job and be writing for a black-girl-friendly blog on the side kinda like Carrie Bradshaw. I wanted a big apartment in a brownstone just like her in Bed-Stuy or Crown Heights somewhere and wear cool outfits every day. Having already had friends who lived in the city, I’d imagined myself meeting up with them for coffee often and unloading on each other with our escapades of the week.

… Now that I think of it, my dreams were essentially the Black girl version of Sex in the City and honestly, not much has changed. I think I’ve just gotten more realistic with time. I’ve mostly come to terms with spending a couple more years in Seattle (still trying to get Sex in the City out of my head… give it time). I’m definitely not saying I’ll be here forever because that’d be crazy, but I genuinely have grown to love home and it’s taken me a long time to say that. Having had my reasons for wanting to leave since I was a kid, I’ve since realized the importance of staying and planting my roots here. There’s something special about being recognized in your hometown that has a certain sweetness to it. I know that coming from a city like Seattle, where a creative community isn’t necessarily missing but also isn’t in abundance like New York or even Los Angeles, it makes it tougher to expand. But I also think it makes the come-up that much sweeter, because it had to be organic in order for you to really grow. I don’t want my shit overnighted to me. I would like to feel the breeze of every door opening and walk through it with sureness. My only genuine hope with this blog is to create community, reach who it was meant for and have a space for me to be me, unapologetically.

I have always been the girl with the big dreams and even bigger ideas. I don’t know how much time we have left on this planet which makes all of this shit that much scarier, but I no longer want to live the rest of my days wondering, “what if?”. I’d much rather like to live in “what is”. And right now, this is what it is: she’s a blogger!

Ciao for now~

with luv,

always, in all ways.